THE EMOJI LESSON II

Hi guys! Thank you all for the amazing feedback on my previous post. It was quite encouraging and I have decided to give more than I gave the last time to show my appreciation. Like I said before, you can google it and find out what your emojis really mean because I really can’t cover it all in two or three blog posts.

A fellow blogger @simplenaijagirl made a very valuable comment and I’d share it before we go on. She said “usually, you can search emoji’s on your keypad using plain words. That way, you don’t misinterpret them”. This is another solution if googling it is too much for you.

Let’s begin!

Look at the emojis above closely. People misuse these emojis a lot. I know emojis look small on our phones and we are always in a hurry to send that message but it wouldn’t hurt to look closely.

Picture one: two ladies kissing. This emoji is for lesbians. A lady could send this to her girlfriend- as in a girl who she has a sexual and romantic relationship with. I am straight so when other ladies send me this emoji, I really don’t know how to respond.

Picture two: two men kissing. That emoji is for gay men. If you are sure that your male friend is not gay, please don’t make the man uncomfortable.

Picture three: two ladies in love. Another lesbian emoji. Sometimes, ladies send it to their platonic friends too so it could be interpreted both ways. It’s not wrong to love your friend.

Picture four: two men in love. Another gay emoji or it could signify love between friends.

Picture five: a man and a woman in love. Now, that is for straight people like me.

Picture six: a man and a woman kissing. Feel free to send that to your lover. I do too.

Funny thing is the internet describes all these emojis as a couple-presumably a man and a woman in love- except for the two ladies kissing who are actually called lesbians. Do the math!

This is the FACE WITH OK GESTURE. My Nigerian family, I greet you! This is not the ‘yeh! I am finished‘ or ‘mogbe’ emoji. This an ‘OK’ sign made with the body- hands circled around the head to form a circle or an ‘O’ meaning ‘OK’. Don’t worry I am guilty of misusing this emoji too.
This is the INFORMATION DESK PERSON OR MAN WITH TIPPING HAND emoji. This emoji represents a person who is willing to serve or attend to you in an organization, at a function, wherever. It is also used to represent sarcasm or sassiness. Personally, I call it the ‘and so?’ emoji
This is the FACE WITH MONOCLE emoji. It has an intent frown and its head slightly upturned, as if its inspecting something carefully. It can represent a person pondering or questioning something as if he/she wants to have a closer look or investigate a situation properly.
This is the FACE WITH HEAD-BANDAGE emoji. It represents physical injury or pain around the head.
This is the NERD FACE emoji. It signifies smartness, being a geek or being dorky. I think this is a really cool emoji.

The emojis above are self-explanatory. These are the three wise monkeys known as KIKAZARU who hears no evil, MIZARU who sees no evil and IWAZARU who speaks no evil. They originate from Japan and that’s as far as I would go. You can find out more on your own.

This is the SERIOUS FACE WITH SYMBOLS COVERING MOUTH emoji. It is also known as the SWEARING emoji. Yup, this means someone is being vulgar
This is the SHOCKED FACE WITH EXPLODING HEAD emoji. Someone told me once that this is a chef emoji. No, it is not. This emoji is the proper reaction to mind-blowing or/and shocking information.
This is the SKULL AND CROSSBONES emoji. If you receive this emoji, the sender is trying to warn you about something that is a danger to life.
This is the VULCAN SALUTE emoji. It simply means live long and prosper.
This is the FACE WITH NO GOOD GESTURE emoji. This emoji doesn’t mean you are ready for a fight. It means ‘NO’.
This is the PERSON BOWING DEEPLY emoji. It is used to express sincere apology or request a favour.
This is the SMILING FACE WITH HORNS emoji or the HAPPY DEVIL emoji. It is a symbol of bad actions or crimes or the desire to do something terrible.
This is the ALIEN emoji. It represents something out of this world, something that is not human or regular.

That’s it for today. I hope you had fun reading this. If you need clarity on anything, ask in the comment section. Thank you

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THE EMOJI LESSON

Welcome to class! It is common knowledge that almost everyone in the world is uses Whatsapp so we are all familiar with Emojis. If I am making an assumption and you do not know what an ‘Emoji’ is, please feel free to ask in the comment section.

Even though a large number of us are using Whatsapp, most of us do not know that emojis have meanings so we use them wrongly. I have misunderstood a lot of people and even gotten into a fight with a few because they didn’t know that the emoji they sent conveyed a different message. Today, i am going to be giving lessons on the meaning of emojis starting with the ones that are often misused. Let’s begin.

This is the GRIMACING FACE. A grimace is a twisted expression on your face that reveals your pain, irritation or embarrassment. No, it’s not a fake smiling face; it’s one of the three things I mentioned depending on the conversation.


This is the SNEEZING FACE. Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t really the ‘ill’ emoji. It means you have a runny nose or ‘catarrh’ like my Nigerian fam would say. Yeah, it’s an illness but No, it’s still not the ‘ill’ emoji.
This is the LYING FACE. Do y’all remember Pinocchio? The wooden boy who wanted to be a real boy and told lies? Remember that every time he lied, his nose grew longer. Can you see our emoji’s long nose? Yup, That’s Pinocchio as an emoji.
This is the GRINNING FACE WITH ONE LARGE EYE AND ONE SMALL EYE. Obviously! but it is NOT ‘a happy face’- we have a happy emoji. This is the goofy emoji. It represents playfulness.
This is the PILE OF POO. Yeah, you heard me; this is shit… literally! Someone told me once that this emoji is a smiling pile of chocolate. This isn’t chocolate… I repeat This is NOT chocolate! This emoji makes it easier to insult people with a smile. LOL!
This is the FACE WITH OPEN MOUTH VOMITING. No, this isn’t the ‘ill’ emoji either. This emoji means that you are puking or puked your guts out literally. It can also be used to express disgust.
This is the FACE WITH THERMOMETER. Now, this is your ‘ill’/’sick’ emoji.
This is the PERSON WITH FOLDED HANDS. This emoji originally represented a high-five but after so much debate, it is now alternatively used as a prayer symbol or a representation of gratitude.
This is the FACE WITHOUT MOUTH. It represents being at loss for words; being speechless.
This is the FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY. This the most commonly used emoji but people still do not use it properly. Please this is not the crying emoji. This emoji represents laughter; deep laughter. The kind that makes you cry.
This is the ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING emoji. The difference between this emoji and the other one is that this laughter is much more serious so you shed tears and roll on the floor while laughing. If it isn’t so funny, please do not use this emoji- use the other one. Also this emoji can be used in place of the acronym ‘ROTFL’
This is the SMIRKING FACE. A smirk is a suggestive, sly or mischievous facial expression. I like to call it the naughty face. This emoji does not represent a smile in anyway.

I’d stop here today guys. I would try to interpret more emojis in subsequent posts but in case I don’t, google is your friend. This is just one of the many things that you’d never learn in school. Read as often as you can- Knowledge is light! Also I would advice that you see THE EMOJI MOVIE- It’s an animation. That movie would help you understand your emojis better.

Feel free to ask more questions in the comment section. I’d answer to the best of my ability. Class dismissed!

FLEE!

Whenever Charly hits you, you cower. You become consumed by fear, you always come here broken and unlike the king’s men and the king’s horses, I always put you back together again but you know what makes me mad? No, it isn’t the fact that Charly hits you and treats you like dirt. It’s the fact that you always go back to him every single time, swear on your mother’s grave that he’s a changed man and return even more broken than you were the last time. Like Mother Theresa, my arms are always open when you come running but no more! Woman, you are going to learn to stand up for yourself!

You are going back to him and this is the last time I am going to open my arms to you. The next time he hits you- don’t tell me he won’t because we both know he would, you have two options. You either fight back or you let him kill you. If he kills you, I promise that I would say nice things about you at your funeral.

First, have your bag packed at all times. You don’t want to leave his mansion without your phones, clothes or money. Put a knife in that bag, it might come in handy. When you eventually get into an argument again, do not say anything to Charly- I repeat DO NOT say a word. Let him huff and puff as much as he wants, he can’t blow you down with his words but be on your guard. If he begins to get too close, slowly withdraw, leave the room, move to a corner but do not let him be within touching distance. When he becomes possessed and tries you grab you, make a run for it. Run as fast as you can.

He would definitely pursue and he might catch you. If he catches you, go for his eyes. Put your fingers in his eyes. He has a strong grip so he might not let go so you go for the balls. Use your knees to hit him in the balls as hard as you can. That would definitely weaken him. Get on your feet and run into the house, grab your already packed bag, pull out the knife and make a dash for the gate. Charly’s balls might have recovered by that time but his anger is going to triple. He is going to chase you because he would not accept defeat over the love of his life. When he overtakes you, brandish your weapon. He is going to start coming closer and telling you how much he loves you. He’s going to remind you of all the good times you shared. Now, he is touching your hair and telling you that you are an angel he isn’t ready to lose.

You will start to give in then…. Bitch I will kill you! He would say as he grabs your throat and begins to squeeze the life out of you. With every ounce of strength you can muster, stab the bastard! He might not survive it but that’s none of your business, Flee!

It’s either that or your grave, you are free to choose.

LOVE REGARDLESS

Hey guys! Good morning. Welcome to the season of love. It’s almost valentine’s day and the excitement is already in the air. I am pretty sure I smelt it this morning.

In this spirit of love, I’d love to share a part of myself with you. What I am about to say might be a bit difficult to take in but it’s necessary. It is easy for us to love people who make sacrifices for us, people who have earned our trust and people who love us in the same measure or even more but what about those who have offended us or hurt us in one way or the other? Don’t you think they deserve our love too?

It’s not easy to love those who have hurt us but it’s not impossible. We are all trying to be better people and the greatest way to becoming the best version of yourself is to rise above hate. This is something I have experienced and to be honest, it’s a very hard thing to do. It involves swallowing your pride, deflating your ego and even letting go of yourself but it is totally worth it. You do not have the power to make everyone like you but you have the power to love everyone whether they deserve it or not. Loving those who do not deserve it helps you heal, forgive and move on without baggage from the past. Love sets you free!

Find time today, reach out to that ex who broke your heart and just ask how he/she is doing. Smile at that boss who is always angry and hurling insults at you. Tell that man or lady that you see how deep their love for you is and that you appreciate it even if you do not want to reciprocate. Call that girl who told lies against you… Don’t think about it. Just do it.

Love unconditionally, Love freely, Love regardless. If your heart can carry so much hate, it can hold an even greater amount of love. Just love!

BLOOM

Hi guys! I am so sorry I have been away for too long. I wasn’t feeling too well but I am doing better now. I didn’t write all through last week so when I tried to write this morning, I experienced a little writer’s block but I really wanted to write so I said to myself, ‘go easy’. I decided to write an already written story and I think I came up with something beautiful. Read this and tell me what you think. Tell me what I can do to make it better. Positive and negative feedback are all welcome. This is my retelling of Snow White. Enjoy!

‘After the death of the King, Snow White’s father, her evil step mother became the queen. Her reign marked the beginning of terror and slavery among the people. Snow white could do nothing but serve the queen. She wept for the people. Life became more difficult each passing day but Snow White still grew beautiful. The queen was jealous and furious but she kept calm because….

‘Mirror, Mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all?’

‘You, my lady, remain the fairest of them all’ The magic mirror always replied.

‘I am the fairest in the land and nobody not even the king’s bastard can take that away from me’. The queen boasted.

Oh, how wrong she was!

Bloom was a child when the king died. All she knows are the stories her uncle told her. The queen had her parents hanged for taking apples from the royal garden. She never knew her parents but she certainly hated the queen. Bloom is now a fifteen-year old maiden and she’s a friend to the princess. They both worked in the royal stables and- in Snow White’s voice- ‘swim in horse shit’.

‘I shouldn’t be here’ the voice said. Bloom turned to the direction the sound had come from and there stood the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. The girl had a round face, deep blue eyes, a straight nose, full lips and skin as clear as crystal. She had tears in her eyes.

Bloom moved towards her ‘it’s alright. You will be fine’ and without thinking, Bloom hugged her.

‘She poisoned my father’ The girl said

‘Who?’

‘The queen.’

‘She killed my parents too. What is your name?’

‘Snow White’

‘Your royal highness’ Bloom curtsied hastily. ‘I am sorry. I didn’t know you are the princess. You are much more beautiful than they say you are’

‘And I am a servant like you. Call me Snow. Now let’s swim in horse shit’ The princess responded cheerfully. This was how their friendship began.

One day the queen sent for Snow White. Snow White ran as fast as she could because she didn’t want to be punished. On getting to the queen’s chambers, she heard the queen talking to someone so she hid behind the door and peeked into the room. The queen stood there, her back to the door and her eyes focused on an object in front of her.

‘Mirror, Mirror on the wall’ The queen began ‘Who is the fairest of them all?’

‘A young maiden’ The mirror replied

‘Who? Snow White?’ The queen asked

‘No, my lady. Not Snow White but a lady called Bloom’ The mirror said and revealed Bloom as if she was standing in front of the mirror

‘Bloom. Bloom. Whoever you are, wherever you are, get ready to die!’ The queen said to the image staring back at her.

This was when Snow White knew she had to save her people. She had to save Bloom. Snow White fled!’

Tell me what you think of the story and the characters especially Bloom. I would love to hear your opinion. Thank you

THE SIDE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WE NEVER SEE

Do you know men are also victims of domestic violence? Men are emotionally abused and unfortunately the world doesn’t see that. Most people believe that only the woman can be abused or violated. It’s rare to find a woman who can beat a man and do serious damage to his body but every woman has the ability to damage a man’s ego and break his spirit with the strongest weapon on earth- the tongue. Some women have razor sharp tongues. They can kill and bury someone in one sentence.

I am not supporting domestic violence but most of the time, the beatings that land the woman in the hospital is a reaction based on an action but all we see and all we are told is the reaction. This is an example of a one-sided story.
The bible calls the tongue a fire and a world of evil among the parts of the body.

Let’s forget the man-woman tussle for a minute. Do you know that we violate people almost everyday with our tongue? It could be a foul word/insults spoken in anger or telling lies against someone. ‘Someone’ might be a child, a servant,a relative or a total stranger but our words have the ability to hurt or dishearten them. This is also violence!

We commit greater crimes with our tongues than our hands. It’s high time we learn to put our tongue in check. Be conscious of the words you speak even when you are angry. Nobody says it better than James; He said ‘Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because anger doesn’t produce the righteousness The Father desires’ neither would it produce the uprightness, decency and respect that we desire and expect from others.

Dear ladies,
Men have large egos. Men cry and get hurt too. If you must vent, pick your words carefully. Do NOT insult him, do NOT lash out at him unnecessarily. Shout if you must but in the privacy of your home. Everybody has a breaking point. When he reaches that breaking point, there is no telling what he might do. Tame your tongue and be at peace with all men! But if he hits you for no reason, RUN!

Dear Men,
When a woman is hurling insults at you, walk away! If you hit her, it doesn’t matter what she did or didn’t do, she automatically becomes the victim and you become the bad guy. Just walk away. Be the better person!

We can all do better; let us speak to one another in love and kindness. Let your words strengthen others and give people cause to smile. Let your words build rather than destroy. Let your words give life!

SELF-LOVE

Self love literally means loving one’s self. Frankly, I do not know neither do I think anybody can or would hate himself or herself. In other words, you cannot hate you but then I am not sure people truly love themselves. How?

Self love is beyond putting the caption #SelfLove or “I love me” beneath every photo you post; it’s beyond updating your status so you can prove to your ex that you are happy without him or her. Self love is beyond feigning happiness even when you are not really happy just so that you can show your imaginary “haters” that your smile is bright and you have got “no worries”.

Self love is being comfortable in your own skin.
Self love is being single and being happy.
Self love is pulling out of that relationship because you know you deserve better.
Self love is loving who you are and what you do despite the struggles and negativity.
Self love is not looking down on yourself when you make a mistake.
Self love is believing in yourself.
Self love is telling yourself the truth at all times even if it hurts.
Self love is having respect for your body, your time and your business.
Self love is standing up for yourself and fighting for what you believe in.
Self love is treating yourself right at all times.

Self love is not a feeling; it’s a commitment to being and doing the best thing for you despite how difficult it might be.
Self love is being proud of who you are and who you hope to become! If you do not learn to love yourself properly, you can never truly love someone else. Sharing love starts by giving it to yourself first

Now tell me, Do you love yourself?